The most wonderful thing about fast food in China is their ability to bring the founder to the people. Here, the once-living Colonel Sanders stands posing for the camera with Lauren. As her warm lips touch his cold, pale cheeks you can see as a little pink fill his complexion.

How can you resist that face? Those eyes? Audrey throws herself to the mercy of Ronald McDonald as he pulls those age-old moves on her. Their hands say it all, they are absolutely compatible… how come he can only exist in fiberglass form in China? Why not America? It’s a forbidden love…